


Live and Let Live

by Doodlebloo



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Character Death, Discussions of Suicide, Fix-it fic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I saw how the stream went and said no thank you and wrote this, Panic Attacks, Self-Worth Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, bc we all know hurt/comfort is the only genre I am capable of writing other than fluff, kind of, maybe there will be a part two to this who knows (certainly not me)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 02:27:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30014706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doodlebloo/pseuds/Doodlebloo
Summary: Tubbo clears his throat. "Are... You're not okay," he says stupidly.Tommy lets out a gravelly chuckle with no humor behind it. "No," he agrees, "I'm not.""Oh," says Tubbo. He shifts his weight back and forth nervously. Tommy hasn't stopped looking into his eyes yet, and Tubbo isn't about to break their eye contact. Tubbo swallows."Sorry for following you."Tommy sniffs, wiping his tears on his shirt sleeve. "...S'fine. You can't help being clingy."Tubbo smiles dryly. "You used to be just as bad, you know.""...Used to?" Tommy glances at him, sounding halfway between dazed and horrified."Yeah..." Tubbo bites his lip, finally ending their staring contest, feeling guilty for setting Tommy off again. "Used to."-Tommy dies, and then he comes back, and Tubbo doesn't quite know how to feel about that. His solution is to follow Tommy around and refuse to speak, which somehow works out for both of them in the end.(03/12 stream hurt/comfort where they actually talk)
Relationships: Ranboo & Tubbo (Mentioned), Tommyinnit & Tubbo
Comments: 17
Kudos: 382





	Live and Let Live

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I know I have another fic I haven't updated yet but I saw the stream and was like hmm. I need to fix this. Idk if I will make a part two where Tommy has a talk with Ranboo, it mostly will depend on how soon we get another Tommy lore stream but! Regardless I hope you enjoy this :)

From where he crouches behind a building, barely hidden at all, Tubbo can hear Tommy monologuing. Tommy is going on about Dream and power imbalances and how it's him against the world, cutting himself off with random comments about Moana or women, and it's so _Tommy_ of him that it almost hurts.

Tommy stands up from the ledge he's perched on, glances at Tubbo, and sighs deeply. He sets off back through the community house, towards the path, kicking rocks as he goes. Tommy keeps a twisted frown on his face, and his hands are in his pockets, which Tubbo (even after all this time) knows means they're shaking.

Tubbo used to follow him around like this all the time. It was a joke between them - Tommy would roll his eyes and sit Tubbo down somewhere, and he'd say "Stay, I mean it," but he'd be smiling with his eyes. Tubbo would be quick and he would be quiet, utilizing skills that he didn't even know would save his ass in the future under Schlatt's rule to sneak ahead of Tommy without him noticing. Tubbo would always make sure that when Tommy turned around to do something and looked back, Tubbo was standing in front of him like he'd teleported. Tommy would fondly shake his head, and he'd tell him to fuck off, but Tubbo always knew he wasn't supposed to fuck off. Not really.

When Tommy came back from exile, Tubbo had stopped being so sure.

Tommy hadn't talked to him about what happened during exile - Tubbo had seen the tower, so he knew enough to know that something was different, but he didn't know many details. After exile, when Tommy told him to fuck off, Tubbo did it. He wasn't ever sure what Tommy really meant anymore. 

Especially after his death, Tubbo often wondered if that had been the wrong choice. If he could've stayed more, could've given Tommy some kind of support system to talk him out of the prison visit in the first place.

Now, though, Tubbo knows that following Tommy is the wrong choice.

Tommy doesn't want him here. Tommy is pissed at him beyond belief, genuine anger and hurt in his eyes every time Tubbo accidentally catches his gaze. Tubbo is sure he deserves it. He isn't actually sure what he's done wrong, but he's positive that he deserves this.

Tommy wouldn't get mad at him for nothing.

Tubbo is jolted back to the present as Tommy makes a sudden detour on his journey, and Tubbo's heart sinks as he realizes where Tommy's headed.

The crater.

Tubbo makes sure he's hidden from sight as Tommy enters, ducking out of the way and watching the change in Tommy's face as he seems to believe Tubbo has finally left. It feels a little bit like lying, but Tubbo has never been very honest, anyway.

Tubbo finds a spot on the hill, just behind a large rock, and he peeks over and watches Tommy from a distance. It's creepy of him, he's sure, but he's getting sick of Tommy oscillating between death and life like flipping a switch, and he needs to make sure it's real this time.

The tower had been real. It had been so real Tubbo had fainted, and Ranboo had to carry him back to L'Manberg, and Tubbo had to wake up and tell him how Tommy killed himself and it was Tubbo's fault. It had been real when Tommy showed up with Techno, and Tubbo was overjoyed and dying to reach out and touch him, and then Tommy had taken a hostage, calling Tubbo a monster to his face. Which was fine, as long as Tommy was alive.

The prison death was even more real, because _Sam_ was the one who broke the news. Sam, who helped Tubbo with redstone and teamed up with him to drain the ocean and was one of the only adults to give Tubbo genuine, sincere praise in a very long time. Sam, who gave Tommy a creeper head to summon him with, who helped Tommy build a TNT launcher the day before the 16th, who had quickly been becoming a father figure for him. Sam who loved his dog and his mother and pumpkin pie. Tubbo was a fuck up, and he'd jumped to conclusions upon seeing the tower. Tubbo could be wrong about things. But Sam? Sam would never make a mistake like that.

And, in a way, he hadn't. Here Tommy was, curled into a ball on the glass covering the crater, rocking himself back and forth, eyes clamped shut, talking to no one. For the fourth time, Tommy is back from the dead, and for the second time, consecutively, he is unbelievably angry with Tubbo despite refusing to tell Tubbo any of the background knowledge he needs to understand why.

Tubbo likes to think logically, sometimes to a fault, and right now he feels like he's missing nearly every piece to this puzzle. It's overwhelmingly frustrating, because every move is somehow a wrong one, and there's no telling why that is. Tommy could be mad that Tubbo hadn't rescued him from the prison, or that Tubbo had gotten married, or that Tubbo had built a hotel, or any number of other things - not that being angry over any of those things made sense to Tubbo, but Tommy has always been an emotional thinker.

The thing is, though, that what seems to piss Tommy off the most is just Tubbo _looking_ at him. (Tubbo will be the first to admit he's been gawking, but who can blame him? Tommy's _alive./em >) Tubbo can't seem to wrap his brain around why his presence is making Tommy so upset, or why Tommy refuses to talk to him, or why Tommy flinches around _sounds,_ now - Tubbofeels like he's playing a game of chess, except Tommy has all the pieces and Tubbo is playing with checkers._

__

Tubbo watches as Tommy starts to uncurl himself, squinting in the dim light of dusk like he's been staring into the sun. Tubbo isn't close enough to see if Tommy's been crying, but if he had to take a guess, he's pretty sure Tommy is holding back sobs.

__

Maybe he _should_ leave, he thinks suddenly. If Tommy is really this shaken up over everything, Tubbo probably isn't making it any better by being here. What's worse, if Tommy finds him lurking, he might get so upset with Tubbo that Tubbo isn't allowed around him anymore.

__

Slowly, quietly, Tubbo starts backing his way down from the hill, away from L'Manberg and back towards the path. It's taking all of his brain power to avoid stepping on flowers while also not making noise, so when he hears Tommy shout, it startles him almost badly enough to fall.

__

"Tubbo," Tommy shouts weakly. Tubbo freezes, and starts climbing back up to his hiding spot to observe.

__

Tommy is in the center of the crater, hands cupped around his mouth, and even from this distance Tubbo can tell how violently he's shaking. 

__

"Tubbo!" Tommy shouts again, but he sounds unsure, sounds wary. Tubbo stays put.

__

Tommy growls, balling his fists at his side. This time, he screams with his whole chest, voice cracking and breaking, thick with tears.

__

"Tubbo, _please!_ "

__

Tubbo whips out his trident and launches himself into the crater without a moment's hesitation.

__

Tubbo misses his water bucket, and as he takes damage Tommy winces, hard. He looks at Tubbo like a kicked puppy, and Tubbo is once again not sure what he's done wrong.

__

"...I'm okay?" Tubbo tries.

__

Tommy stares at him, still shaking, tears falling from an unreadable expression.

__

Tubbo clears his throat. "Are... You're not okay," he says stupidly.

__

Tommy lets out a gravelly chuckle with no humor behind it. "No," he agrees, "I'm not."

__

"Oh," says Tubbo. He shifts his weight back and forth nervously. Tommy hasn't stopped looking into his eyes yet, and Tubbo isn't about to break their eye contact. Tubbo swallows. 

__

"Sorry for following you."

__

Tommy sniffs, wiping his tears on his shirt sleeve. "...S'fine. You can't help being clingy."

__

Tubbo smiles dryly. "You used to be just as bad, you know."

__

"...Used to?" Tommy glances at him, sounding halfway between dazed and horrified.

__

"Yeah..." Tubbo bites his lip, finally ending their staring contest, feeling guilty for setting Tommy off again. "Used to."

__

Tommy sighs and drops to the floor, throwing his arms haphazardly across his knees and putting his head in his hands. Tubbo sits next to him, criss-cross, maintaining what he hopes is a comfortable distance. "When... God, Tubbo, when did everything get so fucked up?"

__

"I dunno," Tubbo says quietly, thumbing at a smudge on the panel of glass he sits on. "Sometimes I think maybe it was always fucked up, and we just hadn't learned that, yet. Sometimes I feel like Wilbur made war fun when we were kids, like it was a game, and then we both died a handful of times and got tortured and stuff, and it wasn't a fun game to play anymore."

__

Tommy sighs shakily, head snapping up to look at him. "...Wilbur. Wil- Tubbo, Wilbur is- he's- God, I don't want to talk about this, I do not _fucking_ want to talk about this-"

__

"Don't, then, it's alright." Tubbo raises his hands in what he hopes is a calming gesture. "You don't need to-"

__

"No, no, I do, because- Because D- Dr... D- Dre- FUCK!" Tommy is pulling at his hair, wild and frantic, and for half a second, Tubbo grieves for a Tommy who didn't have this much weight to carry. "Dream," he finally forces out, "wants you dead more than he wants me dead, alright, and I need to tell you- cause _he'll_ try and manipulate you just like Dream will-"

__

"He?"

__

Tommy's expression turns dark. "Tubbo... Dream wants to bring Wilbur back."

__

Tubbo blinks awkwardly, fiddling with his hands in his lap. "And that's... A bad thing, now?"

__

"Wh- Yes, Tubbo, it is a fuckin' bad thing!"

__

"Okay, sorry, I just- didn't we only leave him alive so he could bring Wilbur back?"

__

"Well, yeah, but that's- that's when I thought he could bring _Wilbur_ back. Like, _Wilbur_ Wilbur. The- he's not bringing back our Wilbur, he's bringing back... He's bringing back the guy who hit the button."

__

A soft gasp tumbles from Tubbo's lips as everything clicks into place for him.

__

Dream is not about to revive Wilbur. Not Wilbur, who would make up stupid little songs about whatever contraption Tubbo was working on, or Wilbur, who would lick his thumb to get dirt off of Tommy's face just because he knew Tommy hated it, or Wilbur, who would sit by the fire and teach Tubbo how to play his guitar while Tommy softly slept on his shoulder.

__

Drea was going to bring back Wilbur. Wilbur, who told them both not to trust one another, and Wilbur, who Tommy never gave up on even though the smoke clung to Tommy's lungs and Wilbur never looked at Tubbo the same and he was almost bad enough to make them both run away for good. Wilbur who blew up L'Manberg. Wilbur who was willing to be Dream's servant.

__

Tubbo sees the change in Tommy's expression once he realizes Tubbo has grasped the concept, but Tubbo still has to figure out something to say. He knits his brows.

__

"...Trenchcoat Wilbur?"

__

" _Yes,_ exactly, Tubbo, and he's- he's got a plan to get Trenchcoat Wilbur to break him out of prison, and- what- what the fuck are we gonna do _then?_ "

__

"I... I dunno. I have no idea."

__

Tommy balls his fists. "I... I'm not done yet, Tubbo. I... I want to be. _God,_ I want to be done so fucking bad, but I'm not. I'm... I still have to kill him. I have to kill him for good, so that nobody else comes back. Because, Tubbo, when you come back..." Tommy locks eyes with him, and for a moment, Tubbo can feel everything he's been through, can see something volatile and feral and above all _scared_ that has never been behind Tommy's eyes before. Tommy sighs shakily. "...You come back wrong."

__

Tubbo purses his lips as he takes a moment to process. He'd wanted it to be over. Tubbo was so, so desperate for it all to be over, for Tommy to be safe. This isn't fair. Tubbo wants to scream, or cry, or break the glass and throw them both into the crater-

__

And then, in an instant, he's calm, calculated, thinking logically. After everything, Tubbo has streamlined his processing of events so it takes him less than a minute. Tubbo doesn't have time to do anything other than compartmentalize and repress these days.

__

"Okay, okay, okay... If- so, we're killing Dream. I- okay. I've still got my nukes, and I have his full set of armor, as well... And the vault, too, I still have-"

__

Tommy refuses to look at him as he speaks, face completely neutral. "There's no 'we.'"

__

"I... What?"

__

"There's no 'we', Tubbo. I'm going to kill Dream. You aren't."

__

Tubbo's heart skips a beat. What Tommy is talking about is a suicide mission. "Wh- I- what?"

__

"You can't..." Tommy takes a breath, exhaustion heavy and emotion raw. "You _can't._ Tubbo, you- you've got a whole fuckin' _life_ ahead of you, man- you've got a motel, and a mansion, and a whole little commune! It- I'm not gonna let that green bastard orphan a child and widow a teenager. You've- Tubbo, you've got everything in the world to lose and one life left, and what have I got? A hotel that Jack Manifold will kill me over? A couple of music discs that I'll never play again 'cause I'm too scared to take them out of my chest? _Trauma?_ "

__

Tubbo lets out a weak, pathetic noise, some kind of whine of indignation, and it draws Tommy out of his rant long enough for his eyes to soften and his voice to drop down to almost a whisper.

__

"Tubbo... Tubbo, if you die, you lose everything, but if I die... That's just things going back to the way they should be."

__

Tommy's words are achingly familiar. Tubbo scoffs apathetically, drained of all capacity for emotion. "You sound like me."

__

Tommy looks baffled. "...What?"

__

"In- during the final fight, remember? Er, I guess it wasn't really the final fight, but we thought it was. When- I told you to take your discs and run, remember? Remember that?"

__

Tommy bites the inside of his lip, and Tubbo can see his gaze drift far away, watches him relive the moment. Tommy's fists clench again, and Tubbo tries not to let his heart flutter at the thought that Tommy still cares enough to fight someone for him. "...I remember."

__

"I though... I thought that was it, and I was done. I... God, Tommy, I was so tired. I was tired, and I was hopeless, and I didn't care if I died or not. I thought it'd be fine if I died because I'd have died for _you._ "

__

"Tubbo-" Tommy sounds pained, confused, miserable, but Tubbo continues on.

__

"If you got to live, it didn't matter what happened to me."

__

"Tubbo," Tommy chokes again, "Tubbo, that's not-"

__

"But I didn't die, and neither did you, and we made it out. And after that, it was kind of like, whoa, what do I do now? I mean, you had your hotel, and I had Snowchester enough to scare you off, but... I didn't really have anything, y'know? I mean, you, obviously I had you, but... Living for one person is never gonna be a great way to do it."

__

Tommy shudders at that, and Tubbo follows suit, because he's always had a weird thing about naturally copying Tommy's body language. It used to be sweet, how attached at the hip they were. Now, after everything... He thinks the word that Puffy used was "codependent".

__

"So, I... I found something worth living for. You're still up there, I promise, believe me when I say that after I found out you were... Af- after I got the news, I nearly built a tower just like yours. And if you think that's bad, Tommy, I need you to see that you're being a bit hypocritical, because I'm just as upset about your death wish as you are about mine, alright? But- But I have a husband, now, and a child, and a mansion, and all of those things you said. I'm... Tommy, I'm living."

__

Tommy's demeanor suddenly sours, and he backs himself away from Tubbo. "Well... Well, congratulations on living, Tubbo," he spits bitterly. "I hope you're enjoying it."

__

"Honestly? I'd be enjoying it a hell of a lot more if you were there. I tried to teach my kid about you, tell him stories so he'd know who I was talking about when I said your name." Tubbo lets his voice soften. "I've always wanted you to meet him, y'know."

__

"Tubbo, what the fuck- Why are we even fucking talking about this?" Tommy snaps at him.

__

"I dunno, I'm trying to get you to understand that there's always a reason to keep living. You and I both know you'll die if you go and face Dream alone, and we also both know there are people willing to go with you to help. I mean, do you think I was visualizing my future self with a kid and a husband while I had Dream's sword to my neck? No. But it happened anyway."

__

Tubbo suddenly wants to apologize, to reassure Tommy yet again that he can never and will never be replaced, not even if Tubbo tried, but Tubbo can't bring himself to apologize for a gift as amazing as his family, and catching Tommy's full attention is like lightning in a bottle these days, so he bites his tongue and forces himself back on track.

__

"If... Tommy, if you allow yourself to live, if you ask for help when you need it and let us fight for you for once, you can make it through this."

__

Tommy grimaces. "...And if I can't?"

__

"...Then I'll carry you through, I reckon."

__

Tommy digs the heels of his hands into his eyes, tipping his head back as he sighs shakily. "Tubbo... You didn't care that I was gone."

__

"Bullshit," Tubbo shoots back before he can stop himself."

__

"...What?"

__

"I said bullshit, you prick. I cared the first two times I watched you die, and I cared when I thought you jumped off the tower. And when Sam told me you were dead I didn't believe it for ages, because I was so SURE you would just show up completely unharmed and make fun of me for crying, but... You didn't. You didn't, and I locked myself in a room and tried to find someone to blame, and made you a memorial, and I cried and screamed and eventually just started denying it again."

__

Tommy won't look at him, and Tubbo wishes he didn't sound so weak and sad and clingy right now. (He's sure the last thing Tommy needs is for him to be clingy.)

__

"I mourned for you. Lots of people did. We... We thought you were dead," Tubbo admits, voice breaking.

__

"I was," Tommy says shakily, and Tubbo watches as he talks faster and faster, breathing picking up as he loses himself in his memories. "I... Tubbo, Dream... Dream beat me to death. He- he _beat_ me to- he hit me and kicked me until I couldn't breathe, and he- he grabbed me by the hair and started slamming my head into the wall, and- and I was stuck with Trenchcoat Wilbur and fuckin JSchlatt for _months,_ Tubbo, but it wasn't really months, but it was to me. And- and they kept playing fuckin' _solitaire,_ and then Schlatt went to fucking sleep and left me alone with Wilbur, and then- and then I came back, and Dream was the only one there, and I felt- I felt _wrong,_ and I _still_ feel wrong, like I didn't- didn't come back the same, and everything was so loud and so bright and so _much-_ it hurts, Tubbo, touching anything hurts now, I- I can't-"

__

"Hey," Tubbo tries to soothe from his spot across from Tommy, but he feels like he's too far away. "Tommy, ca-"

__

" _Don't_ tell me to fuckin' calm down," Tommy barks, eyes clouded with a flashback. "He- He would tell me to calm down, and he'd ask me about death and he'd say we should try it again and he- I was like a fuckin' science experiment to him, like a- like his _toy-_ "

__

Tubbo wants to grab Tommy's shoulder so badly, but he knows it might set him off even worse. He tries to catch Tommy's eye, but it proves to be futile. "Tommy, breathe-"

__

"And when I got out, Jack- Jack had taken my hotel, and he said he'd been trying to _kill_ me, and I didn't- Tubbo, I didn't even process it, I just started singing fuckin' Moana, and I asked Puffy for therapy but she wasn't there and everything is still so loud and so much and it all _hurts-_ "

__

"Does everything hurt?" Tubbo blurts.

__

Tommy is still hyperventilating, but the question catches him off guard enough to interrupt his rant. "Wh- huh? Does- I- what?"

__

"Does... Does everything hurt, or- or just taking damage? I- I'm not used to helping your panic attacks without being able to... Y'know."

__

"I- I am not having- I- oh god, Tubbo, am I having a fucking panic attack-"

__

"Tommy, can I see your hand? Please?"

__

Tommy whines, desperate and pained. "Tubbo, I- What if it- What if it hurts, what if-"

__

"If it hurts, tell me, okay? Just let me see your hand."

__

Tommy blinks at him rapidly, eyes narrowed in distrust, but Tubbo holds up his hand in front of him, palm out, and smiles softly. Tommy looks like a caged animal, still visibly panicking, and Tubbo can see the tears streaming down his face even through the low light of dust that envelops them. 

__

Tubbo has always been rather patient, though.

__

After what feels like an eternity, Tommy shuts his eyes and recoils like he's preparing for a hit, and slowly reaches his hand out to touch Tubbo's.

__

Their palms touch, and although their hands are different sizes and they both have new scars, it feels just as familiar as it did when Tommy had brushed their hands together on purpose for a burst of courage and comfort when L'Manberg declared independence. They both hold their breath. 

__

A beat passes, and nothing happens.

__

Tommy lets out his breath in one big puff, but he inhales again too quickly, and if Tubbo doesn't act fast he's going to pass out.

__

Tubbo places Tommy's hand on his chest. "Hey, hey, breathe with me, Tommy- I'm right here, okay? Breathe. Here, look, match my breathing - I'm going to count, okay?"

__

Tommy nods shakily, and Tubbo counts out his breaths.

__

Tubbo has done this dozens of times, helping Tommy through panic attacks like this, and Tommy has done the same for him. It used to be Wilbur helping them (and Eret would sometimes help Tubbo, if Wilbur was busy with Tommy), but once they'd realized they were alone together in Pogtopia with a sizeable amount of trauma, they'd had to clumsily learn how to help each other using basic trial and error.

__

(When Tubbo would panic, Tommy would hum, or sing, and it would somehow help every time. As much as Tubbo appreciates Ranboo, Ranboo doesn't sing.)

__

Comforting Tommy like this may as well be muscle memory, and like clockwork, Tommy is eventually able to catch his breath.

__

"Fuck," he breathes shakily, "Fuck. Shit. I- goddamnit."

__

"You're okay, you're fine," Tubbo whispers. "I'm not going anywhere."

__

Something about that makes Tommy's breath hitch, and Tubbo gets worried. He moves Tommy's hand from his chest. "Do you want me to-"

__

"No!" Tommy practically shrieks. Tubbo looks at him, wide eyed, and when Tommy realizes what he's done his face goes pure red. "I... I don't want you to... Don't leave," he croaks.

__

Tubbo tries desperately to suppress his grin. "I won't."

__

Tommy looks up at him, visibly exhausted, and grabs Tubbo's hand. "Tubbo," he mumbles, fiddling with Tubbo's fingers, tracing circles around his wrist. "I... If- If I ask you this, can you promise to never, ever mention it again, or repeat it, or- or anything? Ever?"

__

Tubbo brings his other hand to Tommy's shoulder. "No," he smiles softly. "But you don't have to ask."

__

Tommy practically collapses into his arms, crying softly as his whole body starts to shake again. 

__

"Tubbo," Tommy cries, over and over and over again, just Tubbo's name, like if he stops saying it Tubbo will disappear. "Tubbo, god, Tubbo, you- Tubbo..."

__

Tubbo shushes him and pets his hair, and then suddenly thinks better of himself, retracting his hand like he's been burned. "Wait, sorry, I- you said he grabbed your hair a lot, I shouldn't touch it-"

__

"S-shur the fuck _up,_ " Tommy scolds him, moving his hand back. "It's- it's _you._ "

__

Tubbo giggles at that. "I missed you," he says, and he knows that even though he says it plainly, simple and soft and kind, Tommy is able to understand what he means.

__

Tommy cries harder, keeps whimpering his name like a lifeline, but he doesn't need to say it back. Tubbo knows Tommy missed him, knows a part of Tommy will always miss him, just like how Tubbo knew he'd never really get over Tommy's death. You don't lose a piece of yourself like that and bounce back, not after everything they'd survived together.

__

As he holds Tommy in his arms, Tubbo looks up at the stars, and wonders what they were doing a year ago. Maybe they were both asleep in the bunk beds they used to have, or maybe they were up late watching a movie, or maybe they'd been on some grassy hill, still wearing flower crowns, pinkies linked as they gazed up at the stars and talked of monsters and heroes and villains and fantasized about being the heroes in their own stories.

__

Tubbo wouldn't tell his younger self a damn thing, if he was given the chance, and not even because he wouldn't know where to start. It's a horrible thought, how far they've fallen, so Tubbo buries his face in Tommy's hair and lets his mind dissolve into a chorus of _I can feel his heartbeat, I can feel him breathing, he's here, he's alive, he's safe, he's okay, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy..._

__

"G-god," Tommy eventually hiccups, "I am s-so fuck- fucking p- pathe- tic. I'm s- sor- sorry."

__

"Oh, shut up," Tubbo says gently, rubbing circles into his back. "I would've given my last life to have you sitting next to me yesterday. You're not bothering me."

__

Tommy doesn't offer up a reply to that, so Tubbo does what he does best and tries to lighten the mood.

__

"...Besides, it's cold out here, anyway, and your tears are warm."

__

That gets a laugh out of him, and Tubbo can't help but feel triumphant, however hoarse and congested the laugh is.

__

"Yeah, that's right, bitch" Tommy teases as he finally pulls away. "I'm doing you a fucking favor, and don't you forget it."

__

"I won't," Tubbo agrees, and his smile stays firmly put in his face when Tommy keeps an arm looped around his waist.

__

Tommy notices the stars seemingly for the first time that night. He frowns. "'S late," he says.

__

"It is," Tubbo agrees easily. A small, childish part of his mind is chanting _sleepover, please god come with me, please give me the luxury of waking up in the same room as you so I don't have even a second of thinking this was a dream,_ but Tubbo knows Tommy will be too prideful to ask even if he does want to sleep over.

__

"You should... Probably get back, yeah? I mean, y'know. Best friend and kid waiting at home, y'know?"

__

Tubbo frowns. "Husband," he corrects. "Husband and kid."

__

"Right," Tommy dismisses, but that's not good enough for Tubbo. He shifts to face Tommy, places a hand on either shoulder, doesn't allow himself to revel in it when Tommy barely even winces at the contact.

__

"Tommy, _you_ are my best friend, okay? That's- that's part of why I married Ranboo, honestly, was to keep you separate. I don't have two best friends, I have a best friend and a husband."

__

Tommy chuckles breathily. "What's the difference?"

__

Tubbo smiles. "The difference is that you would've said no."

__

Tommy sputters. "I- well, I mean, I- well, _yeah,_ Tubbo, I- I probably would've, but- but it's still nice to be considered."

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"I did consider you. I considered asking, and thought, 'No, he would reject me,' and so I didn't."

__

Tommy scoffs at him. "Well, if you're so very married, why did Ranboo call you his 'close friend' when you were practically cuddling in front of me?"

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Tubbo rolls his eyes. "God, you're so dramatic, I literally just moved to stand behind him. You were the one who started talking about me checking him out, which I was _not-_ "

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"Were," Tommy teases, "You were, you absolutely were, I saw it-"

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"-and even if I _was,_ " Tubbo continues jokingly, "it's not _my_ fault you're jealous that I stood behind him instead of-"

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"Do not even _try_ and finish that sentence, Tubbo, I swear to god I will smack the shit out of you and you will not be able to smack me back because I am traumatized now-"

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" _Anyway,_ " Tubbo interrupts, "he said that because he knows you dont really... Like it when things change. I told you immediately, 'cause I wanted to just rip it off like a band-aid, but Ranboo... He wanted to be more careful."

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Tommy's entire demeanor softens. "What, he- Ranboo wanted to... Why?"

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"Why? What do you mean, why? He missed the hell out of you, Tommy. He's the one who planted all the flowers."

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Tommy blinks. "I- I... What?"

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"Yeah. He probably mourned you more than I did, what with all that time I spent in denial. He's real worried about you, too, but he doesn't want to intrude."

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Tommy looks shell-shocked, so Tubbo gives him a moment to process, allowing Tommy to put the pieces together in his mind, watching Tommy mouth Ranboo's name to himself.

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Every once in a while, Tubbo remembers that Ranboo is a pretty good catch, as far as joke marriages that accidentally turn into real marriages but without all the gross stuff go.

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"I... Is- is Ranboo at Snowchester, then?" Tommy eventually composes his thoughts enough to ask.

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"Mm," Tubbo flips open his communicator, already typing out a message, "I'll ask. He might be at his house - he's not moving in 'till the mansion is done - but he likes to sit with Michael when he's sad, 'cause Michael cheers him up. It's sweet."

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"Jesus christ," Tommy says in mock disgust. "You really have changed."

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"You will, too," Tubbo assures him. "Once you feel comfortable meeting Michael, he'll grow on you so fast you won't know what hit you."

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"Once I'm ready..." Tommy nods, and gulps. "What if... Well, Tubbo, what if I was ready now?"

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Just then, Tubbo's communicator dings with a new message from Ranboo. He checks it, and smiles at Tommy.

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"Well, Ranboo is there, now. Do you wanna go and introduce yourself? And maybe apologize for burning Ranboo's flower?"

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Tommy rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. "Ah, yeah, sorry about that... Bein' in the prison made me go all crackers for a second, there."

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Tubbo stands, and offers a hand down to Tommy. Tommy takes it, and he does not flinch.

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"I reckon I would quite like to teach your child some curse words, though. Might cheer me up."

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"I'll beat you to it," Tubbo warns. "I've been dying to do it, I just needed a bad influence."

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"Am I a bad influence, then?" Tommy smirks.

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"Nah," Tubbo decides as he pulls out his trident, "Ranboo's just a square."

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Tommy laughs as he pulls out a trident of his own. "Alright, Tubzo, let's go see this life you've made for yourself."

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"Let's," Tubbo agrees, "because you're about to be a part of it again."

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**Author's Note:**

> Okay once again I feel like I have to stress that Ranboo and Tubbo are best friends who got married for fun and there is no part of either friendship in this that is supposed to be read as romantic, thank you very much. Anyway who else is excited for the possibility of benchtrio murdering c!Dream arc because if that's the next plotline we get I will cry with happiness. Thank you for reading and pls take care of yourselves <3


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